Traveling With a Husband:

My husband Kyle and I like to travel as a couple. I mean REALLY like to travel. Read about our recent quick and cheap travels here and here. It’s one of the the things we work hard for on a daily basis. Being able to travel as much as we like isn’t easy. It is hard on your bank account, time off work is never easy to get, and agreeing on travel arrangements has never been one of our strong suits. The main thing that is an ultimate hurdle for us has been our history of fighting on trips. To some people this might sound absolutely absurd. How could you fight when you are spending a week in Costa Rica or Jamaica or New York?! But for us not fighting around big occasions has never been easy. There is always so much hype connected to a vacation. But after 12 hours in the car with my “loving” husband, a small hotel room is not exactly where I wanted to be.

Traveling and vacation always comes with certain stresses and with stress comes conflict in a relationship. We were lucky enough to spend our Honeymoon in Jamaica at Blue Field Bay Villas. We had our own beach front villa with a 7 person staff. It was a dream vacation and we had a wonderful time. That is, except for the night or two we spent whisper screaming at each other in our room so that no one would hear. Or the morning I spent crying in bed because I was so pissed off at him for going tuna fishing without me. I honestly can’t remember most of the reasons we fought on vacations. All I know is that it happened. All of our trips have been wonderful but some definitely better than others due to the work we have put to avoid conflict while traveling.

Oh, The Places You (Might) Go

Agreeing on a destination is key. Although this is the very first step, it is something we still struggle with. Kyle is very into exploring new urban cities while I am into exploring new ways to lay on a beach and have a drink served to me. We found a great compromise in Costa Rica last summer when we stayed in a beautiful AirBnB in Quepos. We had equal parts beach time and exploring the local city and culture.

We have learned through our travels that we like doing outdoor adventuring activities. Colorado was obviously a great choice when it came to that. We went to Breckenridge and the little town was great. Full of cute shops and bars that catered to that part of our needs but then we got to get out and hike up a mountain which fulfilled our need for adventure. We also sometimes switch off on where we go. We will do a beach trip once, then the next time a more urban city.

A Little Bit of This, A Little Bit of That

Choosing separate activities that make you both happy is important. This has been something that has really helped us lately. Shopping is important to me. I don’t care how terrible that sounds anymore, it is! I always have to get something cute to take home for myself, along with friends and family. Shopping, believe it or not, is NOT something that is important to Kyle. He can sit in a cute boutique for about 20 minutes on his phone before he starts to get edgy.

We have learned it is important for us to each choose things we like to do on a trip and to allow the other person to do it. Kyle is kind enough to let me get my shopping out while traveling. He knows when I’m done it’s his turn to go do whatever he wants to do. This usually involves visiting a brewery and talking to the brewers while I sit and go through all my new things. When we were in Breckenridge, our first day there was basically split in half. The first half we spent shopping and going to the lame tourist stores I insist on going in. Then the second half we spent talking to bartenders at breweries about their beer. It was a great day because we were together on vacation but gave each other the freedom to do exactly what we wanted to do.

Budget, Baby

Ugh. The dreaded vacation budget. This is where most of the fighting happens for us and the biggest thing we have changed about how we travel. I never check my bank account on vacation. I basically am free to spend what I please in my own head while traveling because hey, it’s vacation! Kyle on the other hand is the complete opposite. He worries about every penny spent. From the airport snacks, to the rental car gas, to the extra drink I order at dinner. He is constantly adding it all up in his head and worrying about how much we are spending. Thank God I have him in my life or I would be stranded on an island somewhere, no money to get back because I traded my ticket home for a cute locally made beach cover up.

This is why we strategically talk about a budget before we leave home. We plan out each day and what we are going to do/spend so that there is no surprises on either end. I know what I can spend on trinkets to take home, and I don’t go over that. This alleviates a lot of tension about money. The one big fight we got in on our Miami trip was when I forced Kyle to go to a fancy hotel for drinks one night. I insisted on going and spending $20 for a cocktail. It wasn’t even that fun and $80 later we didn’t even have a buzz. It’s important to be on the same page about finances on vacation. Especially so you don’t come home and have to eat whatever canned food is in your pantry for the next week (like we have done in the past). Creating and agreeing on a budget BEFORE we travel had helped us tremendously.

Pour Some Alcohol On It

In any other situation, adding alcohol to any conflict is never a good thing. But while on vacation, it usually helps us ease up a little and completely forget about what we were even fighting about. It’s really important to not hold a grudge on vacation and let it ruin the little time you have together there. I am guilty of doing this in the past and have really worked hard on letting things go, especially while we are traveling. One time we fought on the plane to LA about who helped get the dogs ready to be boarded more and it ruined the entire first two days of our trip. How pathetic is that?! Now we choose to table it for when we get home if an argument does come up. Most of the time it isn’t an issue anymore by the time we get home.

Stop It, Your On a Damn Vacation

Overall vacation with your significant other is obviously supposed to be fun. Sometimes, even after taking all the precautions in the world, fights come up. Just remember that you can’t and won’t ever get this time to make memories back. Don’t let a silly fight ruin any of the time you both have worked so hard for. Vacations and travel is so important to the health of our relationship. It is a time for both of us to focus on simply having fun with each other and letting everything else go.

Here’s to more flights and less fights.

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